he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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