i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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