Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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