I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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