i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
