so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
