He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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