He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
As shirtless as possible
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
