Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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