Pappa wants mamma naked
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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