He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
