I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
