He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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