I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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