I want to make a zoo with you.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
