my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
