ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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