Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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