You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Randomize
