i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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