Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Semen is not good for contacts.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
