foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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