She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
