Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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