Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
