I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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