Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
