The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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