Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
