Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
