It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
