ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
