He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
