I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
