i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
