the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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