You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
