I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Randomize
