how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
