Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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