You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
