I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
