Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize