i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
