Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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