They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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