I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Did I show you my penis last night?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
