It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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