I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
