Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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