your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I don't deserve a penis
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
