I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
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and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize