you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize