Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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