Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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