just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
