Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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