everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
