first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My pussy is not your playground.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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