I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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