so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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